Monster
by DuckofIndeed
Summary: "I am not a monster, Alex." A short conversation between Ben and a seven year old Alex.


I recently decided to watch Lost all over again and found Ben to be just as fascinating as he was the first time. And seeing as I enjoy stories involving parent/child relationships, I wanted to write a little something about Alex and him. Back before she hated him, of course.

And Ben and Alex and whatever else are property of someone else, not me.

* * *

**Monster**

When Benjamin Linus had gotten out of bed that morning, he hadn't planned on killing anyone. And then a man by the name of Henry Gale crash landed on the island in a hot air balloon, an outsider, and, well, what other choice did he have?

He supposed it was little wonder he had decided to start reading Alex _The Wizard of Oz_ before he had kissed her good night and tucked her into bed.

She had been particularly picky that evening. He had made her macaroni and cheese for dinner, one of the only things children that age touched. He would have liked to give her something actually healthy, but she wanted no part in the salmon he had made for himself, and he wouldn't have been much of a father if he allowed his seven year old daughter to starve, now would he? Instead, he merely watched her use her fork to push the sodden noodles about on her plate with no real purpose, and though he wanted to remind her that not all children were as lucky as she was, to get a home cooked meal every evening after she came home from school, he didn't say a word on the matter. It was hard to be stern with her when she looked up at him with her big, brown eyes and her face framed in an untidy mess of dark curls.

And it was not at all lost to him, either, that she had been unusually quiet even after dinner had ended and the dishes had been cleaned and put away. She held a shadow of her regular enthusiasm for scaring the monsters from under her bed, and she didn't say a word throughout their nightly reading. It was odd, to say the least. She was normally full to the brim with all manner of questions, but he knew if he was patient, she would eventually come to him if something was on her mind. He had always made it clear that she could discuss anything with him, so he had decided after he had flicked the lights off in her room and closed her bedroom door that all he needed to do was wait.

He didn't need to wait long.

Ben looked up from his desk in the corner of the living room at the soft creak of floorboards, and there was Alex in her purple nightgown, standing a short distance away with her white, stuffed bunny hanging from one hand. She swayed where she stood as if caught between turning back and remaining where she was, and even though the spot where she had planted herself was just beyond the radius of light his desk lamp had created, a placement that served to enshroud her face in shadows and made her expression very difficult to read for even one as astute as he, it was no less clear that this was not one of her usual post-bedtime outings.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked in a voice soft enough that it seemed to fit right in with the lull of nighttime.

"I couldn't sleep," she said, as if there might have been other reasons she would be standing here at this hour of the night.

"Is there something you wish to share with me?"

She nodded, and with no further urging needed, he removed his glasses and set them down on the desk before rising from his chair. The couch, he believed, was always a more suitable place for discussions between father and daughter, and once she had gotten settled beside him, she hugged her bunny close to her chest and stared off across the room.

"Alex," Ben began, but the utterance of her name only coaxed her to glance up at him once before her eyes fell away again, and he went on, "Is something bothering you? I can't help you unless you talk to me."

Alex opened her mouth, but her jaw snapped shut again as if her news was too dire to share. When she finally looked back up at him, several of her curls had gotten caught on her forehead, and the only indication she was aware they had fallen in her face was a blink and a quick shake of the head. "Ellie won't talk to me anymore."

"Yes, you already told me as much when you were busy not eating the meal I made you," he said as he brushed the hair from her eyes.

"But, I…" her chin fell to her chest as she forced out the rest of the words, "I don't care anyway. She was dumb and ugly, and I never really liked her that much."

"Alex," Ben's voice had risen in volume, though his words retained his usual slow calm, "what have I told you about making fun of people?"

She sniffed. "Sorry, Daddy," she told her bunny.

"That's all right," he continued and rested his elbows on his knees to better sink to her far smaller height. "Now, I don't think you're telling me the whole truth…" He paused when she sniffed louder, and he caught several tears slip down her cheeks. When she looked up at him again, her eyes were shining with future tears.

She pulled in a deep breath and said, "Daddy, a-are you…are you bad?"

He stared at her as she wiped her nose with her forearm. "Where did you hear that?" he asked.

She shook her head and squeezed her bunny tighter as the tears fell more swiftly.

"I promise I won't be upset."

Alex's shoulders shook a moment longer until, with a few, choked breaths, she said between tears, "E-ellie…Ellie said h-her daddy wouldn't…let…let her p-play with me anymore. Sh-she said she…couldn't be-because you…you were a-a monster."

Ben pulled her close to him when she lost control of her tears again so that she could sob into his chest, an act that took her several moments to notice, but once she did, she wrapped her arms around him as best as her small frame would allow, leaving her bunny to sag forgotten in her lap. He rubbed her back and pet her hair as he waited for it to pass, and when it seemed like her quaking and sniffing had started to subside, he put the bunny aside and picked her up to sit on his lap. For the first time in several minutes, she looked up at him and blinked at the tears clinging to her long lashes, and he took this opportunity to wipe her face dry with his sleeve.

"I am not a monster, Alex," Ben said, and she pressed her lips together to stifle further noise, her attention fully on her father. "Did she even give you a _reason_ why her father believes this?"

She shook her head, her next words coming out breathless, "No, Daddy."

"No," he repeated. "And…do you think I'd ever do anything to hurt you?"

Again, she shook her head, even harder this time. "Mm-mm."

"Alex, I want to explain something to you, and I want you to remember this in case anyone decides to tell you any more lies about me. Everything I do, I do for the good of the island. And for you especially."

Her eyelids fluttered to free them of what remained of her tears. "But, why…why'd she say those mean things?"

"Because, Alex, as the leader, I sometimes have to make…unpopular decisions, and that's why people might want to say things about me that aren't true. But, I'm not concerned with what they think about me. Only you." He arched both eyebrows at her. "Do you love me, Alex?"

The corners of her lips jumped into a sudden grin, and she nodded, the picture of eagerness, "Of course, Daddy!"

He smiled back. "Then, I can't be so bad, now can I?"

She nodded again with a sparkle in her eyes, the redness in her cheeks the only sign of her earlier sadness, and he leaned in closer to kiss her on the forehead.

"I love you, too, Alex. Are you ready to go back to bed?"

"Yeah," Alex said, flashing a smile that showed the gap where the baby tooth she had lost last week had been.

Ben laughed. "That's the Alex I know."

He picked her up while she wrapped her arms around his neck and proceeded to carry her, bunny and all, back to her room. He returned her to bed and pulled the sheets up to her shoulders as she snuggled close to the bunny that was now safely back in her arms.

"I knew she was lying anyway, Daddy," Alex said, followed by a long yawn. "The only monsters are the ones that hide under beds, and we already scared them away."

He nodded and stroked her cheek with one finger. "That's right. There are no monsters in _our_ house. Good night, Alex."

"Night, Daddy."

Ben started to head for the open doorway, but proceeded no further once he reached it. "By the way, would you mind telling me your friend's name? Her _full_ name, please."

Alex yawned and stretched one arm over her head. "Ellen…Carson, I think."

"Thank you, Alex."

Ben shut the door behind him and paused in thought with his hand still resting on the doorknob. It sounded as if he'd be paying Ms. Carson's father a visit in the morning.

What other choice did he have?

* * *

I know that Henry Gale probably didn't land on the island until years later, but I thought that was a good opening, so I just went with it. I didn't want to get too caught up in the details, you know. Grr, details. Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to explore the time before Alex really knew what kind of person her father was, and I was curious when his, ahem, questionable morality started to come to her attention.

So please review, my dears. This is my first Lost fan fic, and I really hope I wrote Ben okay. He's a difficult character to write for.


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